I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize