last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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