Please, let me fuck your mom
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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