Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
