Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I have already put on my inside pants.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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