You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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