based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
