it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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