wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
