it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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