Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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