no, he came in my armpit
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
