We won't sleep together?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
