Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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