it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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