It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
