we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
50% drunk capacity currently
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
