i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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