my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
