I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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