i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
