How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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