it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize