Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
