If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
