so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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