going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
