I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
