Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
