I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
