you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
