Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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