You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
