life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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