I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
