Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize