I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
