i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
This beer is not sobering me up at all
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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