So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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