I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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