You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize