I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
