She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
