That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
