Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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