He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
