grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
