Betty ford says i'm here all night
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
