Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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