after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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