My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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