whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
