I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
