I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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