I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i think my cat just said my name.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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