Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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