My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
