dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
