I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
