dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
