Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i drank out of a bidet.
You took a bar mat shot.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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