The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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