The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
