I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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