all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
