I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize