i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I love you. Go after that dick
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