You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
