dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
