It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
