There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
