I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
